REALITY CHECK- “Love is a complicated thing. To each person, it has a different meaning. Being in love doesn’t mean that you’re needy. Sure, some people are just plain needy and they allow themselves to lose who they are. This doesn’t appear to be your case since you have to be in control. You can still be you, and be in love. I believe the “needy” part takes on a different form when you don’t give up who you are. For example, if I didn’t have my best friend in my life, I would still be alive. Knowing him and being able to be with him has made my life richer. I don’t need him because I’m needy and my life just can’t go on without him. I need him because knowing him has made my life different and I can’t imagine my life without him in it. If that makes any sense..
If you control life (and relationships), you lose the beautiful part of just enjoying the relationship. You can’t control life and if you continuously try and control relationships, you will find yourself unhappy and wondering why you’re not in a relationship.
I could be way off here, but it doesn’t sound so much like you’re afraid to fall in love.. It sounds more like you’re afraid to fall in love with Mr/Mrs. Wrong or that when you do give your heart, it doesn’t work out and you’re scared of the aftermath and what it will look like.
Love is absolutely worth it and it’s important to let yourself go with the flow and see how things develop in relationships. It’s a funny thing if you think about it.. You say you don’t want to be heartbroken. When you push people away and you don’t allow your heart to blossom, you in essence end up hurting yourself. What’s wrong with having someone care about you and you in turn caring for them? What’s wrong with being happy and allowing yourself to get lost in a moment? You take all those feelings away from yourself.
The reality is this.. When you allow yourself to open up and love, you will encounter heart breaks and your partner will disappoint you. You’ll have moments where you say to yourself “What was I thinking?!” You may cry and feel sad. You will also experience a lot of wonderful and amazing moments that make you smile and happy. I believe in life you need all of these experiences because that is what truly makes you value people and the relationships you have and will have in the future. If you had nothing to take from the past, you would never appreciate what you have in the present.
As far as what you need to do to get over the fear.. I think you need to think about why you feel the way that you do and work on it. For me, I have a fear of falling for someone that isn’t right for me. Honestly, it has happened. I have fallen for guys that were just absolutely wrong for me. I learned though and when I saw those traits pop up in someone else, the red flag went up and we went our separate ways. Maybe you need to not be in a relationship and just focus on you for a bit and when you are ready to finally date or you find someone that blows your mind, you’ll go for it.
I think it’s important for you to know that what you’re feeling is totally normal. Love is scary. It can also be the most amazing ride of your life. It’s like life. Life throws twists and turns at you constantly. It’s about how you overcome them that make the ride worth it. Love is like that.”